Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
