Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm at about main and main street
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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