don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
