yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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