Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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