When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
