well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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