I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
