all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
