Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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