Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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