saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
