The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
so much tequila, so little girl.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We are all done wearing pants today
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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