Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
