It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
