Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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