i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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