remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My ATM looks so different sober.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
