HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize