You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
