omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
