I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
