My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
