My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she woke up with a sticky ear
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
