You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
