so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
