coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
