Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I enjoy the company of your penis
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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