Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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