You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
