This is not my ceiling
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
