I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
