dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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