Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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