So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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