Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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