There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i love accidental penises.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
