Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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