ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
