After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
