I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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