I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
