so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think I just sharted jello shots
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