I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
