It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
