I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Where is the hickey?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
