he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
