My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
