Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
