im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
