Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I will pee on everything he values.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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