how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
