Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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