what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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