You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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