She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
