i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
