Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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