I think my fart just growled at me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
