garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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