Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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