i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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