i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
