I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
